Chapter 4
Vivienne was not seriously hurt, but she caught a cold due to the chilly air.
Alaric insisted that I give her the cloak to apologize.
“Vivi says she doesn’t blame you. She doesn’t ask for much, she just likes the fox tail. You shouldn’t have bullied Vivi. After all, without her, there would be no you.”
He said without Vivienne, there would be no me…
It felt like a blow to the head. A wave of humiliation I had never felt before surged through me.
‘Does that mean whatever Vivienne likes, I have to give it to her? In your eyes, am I just a substitute for her? When she’s not around, you’re kind to me, but when she returns, you give all your love to her. But don’t forget, the fox tail is mine, it was a gift from my father! It’s not yours, so who are you to tell me what to do!”
I threw away all my composure and cried, kicking Alaric and pushing him out of the room.
“Leave! Go! I never want to see you again!”
Alaric forcefully held me, wrapping his arms around me tightly.
With a frustrated look, he asked, “Does your hand not hurt? What’s all this nonsense? It’s just a fox tail…”
It’s not just a fox tail!
Alaric, it’s not just a fox tail!
It’s all that’s left of my love and dignity, the love and dignity you’ll never give me again.
But now, even that has been torn away by Vivienne.
Everything around me suddenly felt unreal, shifting between reality and illusion. I couldn’t tell the difference anymore. Alaric held me tightly as my body slumped. I heard his panicked voice calling my name, “Zhou Sera! Sera, wake up…” As if he still loved me.
When I woke up, Alaric had already left.
He hadn’t taken my cloak, probably because it was ruined, no longer beautiful, and Vivienne had lost interest in it. Doctor was kneeling in front of me, his expression somber. After a long pause, he finally spoke softly: “Your Majesty’s condition is worse than last year. I fear there is little I can do…”
I pressed my hands into my palms, my head in a daze. It took a long while before I could regain my composure.
I asked doctor to rise and pretended to be calm, asking, “How much longer do I have? Now long can I live?”
He lowered his head, his eyes full of regret.
“At most a year and a half, but… possibly only three to four months.”
Oh,
so I’m going to die soon.
Everyone must die, I know that.
But I’m still so young. There’s so much I haven’t done yet.
My grasslands, my cattle and sheep—I haven’t even had a chance to go back and see them…
Father often said, “Death is nothing to fear.”
But I am a coward. Lhave failed his teachings.
When I heard that my time was short, I could only tremble in fear.
I hid under the blanket, carefully concealing my weakness. I didn’t want to become a pitiful person.
“I have one request. Please don’t tell anyone that I’m dying, alright? You know, so many people are waiting to see the fall…” I whispered.
