Chapter 10%
“It’s February 2026. I haven’t really gone to see Grayden. Not even once.”}
I lay there with an IV drip, wearing the loosest hospital gown and watching the liquid drip down one drop at a time. The ALS progressed faster than the doctors thought it would.
At first, I just stumbled a bit.}
Then I needed help eating.”
Then I couldn’t even hold a pen.>
Every time it hit, getting this illness was like being a fish out of water–my whole body stiff, choking on air I couldn’t catch.
Chantal recorded everything about me.
Every little moment.
One morning, I heard her quietly close the door and cry outside the room.
I heard her whisper, “What do I do… She’s hurting so much… She’s really hurting…“}]
She secretly filmed one of my episodes, sobbing through it, her voice shaking too hard to speak.
When it got really bad, I just watched Grayden’s films over and over again.”
I had memorized his lines.
When my mouth stopped working, I repeated them in my head.}
‘You said you were scared of the dark, so I ran toward the light for you.
If you never look back, I’ll still stand behind you anyway.’}]
I repeated them like an addiction–over and over.
Because it felt like he was still with me–and those words still meant something.
That morning, Chantal brought in milk and meds and put them on the bedside table.
Her eyes were red; she clearly hadn’t slept.
“Surgery’s soon. You nervous?” she asked me.
“Yeah,” I replied. I paused, thinking about it. “What if I fall asleep and never wake up?“}]
“Don’t say that!” Tears welled up in her eyes. “The doctor said there’s a 30% chance. You can pull through.”
“Right,” I whispered. “Pull through… and live another year, where I can’t eat. Can’t speak. Can’t move. Just blink to answer questions.”” “Do you want to live?” she asked, already crying.D
I didn’t answer. But I handed her the card I’d prepared long ago with the PIN code written on a slip of paper.”
“This is all the money I have,” I said it slowly. “Once I go into that OR… no matter what happens, it’s yours.”
“You’re insane. Why are you doing this-” Chantal broke down.
“You always said you wanted to study in the UK, right?” I smiled. “No more being someone’s assistant, okay? You deserve more than that.” She threw her arms around me, burying her face into my bony shoulder and cried like a little girl.}}
I raised my stiff arm and gently stroked the back of her head. “Thank you, Chantal.”
“I’m sorry… I couldn’t do more…” she sobbed.
“It’s okay. In this lifetime, having just one person cry for me… That’s already enough.
My eyes welled up.
I looked at the camera and said, “I miss Grayden, honestly. And I miss his parents too. They were better to me than my own family.
“His mom used to make pumpkin soup for me whenever she came to LA. Always made me two bowls.”
I looked up at the camera and forced a smile.}
“She probably doesn’t even know we broke up yet, huh? If she finds out… I wonder if she’ll be sad.
“I miss her soup too. But I guess… I’ll never get to have it again.”
When the gurney came to wheel me into surgery, I was strapped down with soft restraints.
The surgery wasn’t a cure–just something to slow things down.
For someone with ALS, even slowing it down meant maybe a few more moments of living with some dignity.@]
But that day, I knew… I wouldn’t make it.”
Before they pushed me in, I looked up at the sky one last time.
It was blue.
So, so blue.
Just like in Grayden’s first film–the school one.”
That scene where he walked toward the camera smiling in the sunlight like spring itself was running full–speed toward me. In the final shot, I slowly closed my eyes.”
