Chapter 15N
Grayden finally posted something on Instagram.
Just one photo.N
It looked ancient like it had been pulled from some dusty box.
In it, I was smiling up at him, and he was leaning down to kiss me. The sunlight came in sideways, stretching our shadows long across the ground.
It was the photo of our first kiss.N
We were teenagers then.N
He wrote a long caption underneath.N
[Shirl, do you know? I really thought we’d get back together someday.N
[After all, we’ve hardly ever been apart since we were kids. I always thought we would go through life together.N
[I thought we were just in the middle of a long argument.N
[I imagined that once I made it, once I succeeded, we’d be fine.N
[In grade school, you always stood in front of me, taking the teacher’s chalk for me.N
[You gave me your milk and your cookies, and you cussed out bullies louder than I could.N
[Then we both moved to LA to chase our dreams. I didn’t have money for rent, but you worked three jobs overnight to cover it for us.M
[You told me you weren’t tired–that we were in it together, and we’d make it out someday.N
[When I first got a role, you stayed up all night with me helping me memorize lines, even falling asleep with your head on my lap while murmuring the script.
[At that moment, I knew I had to make it. I had to succeed, so I could bring the world to you.
[Shirl, we lived in a basement and ate moldy instant noodles together.N
[You always said, “One day, we’d move to a place with big sunny windows.“N
[But I never gave you that.
[You were in a hospital bed, silently enduring the pain, undergoing surgery alone, and quietly leaving… alone.N
[And what was I doing? I was appearing on variety shows, promoting movies, playing the romantic lead in a show you hated. [When you left, that’s when I realized, you weren’t just my shadow.N
[You were my whole world.
[Do you know? Now, the thing I fear most is that you’re gone, and I’ll never be able to rush home again to complain
tired.”
[Kitty McSnuggles’s still here. She had babies. I named one Lady Purrington. I bring them both to read scripts photo. I complain about how hard my lines are.N
[You’d definitely laugh and say that I am still an idiot. You always laugh and scold me like that.
[If you ask if I still love you…
[Shirl, I haven’t stopped loving you. Not for a single day.M
li still love you, and I probably always will.
[How about you? Are you okay over there?]M
There were no hashtags, no other pictures, and no reposts of public tributes.
He was just speaking to me.
After that, he never posted again on his socials.M
He often held Kitty McSnuggles, who had gotten a bit chubbler and liked to nap lazily on his lap.
He also took care of her kittens, naming one Lady Purrington.
to you, “Shirl, I’m so
with
- me. I talk to your
While reading his script, he’d grumble at my photo in the living room. “This dialogue’s insane–why’d the director write it like this! “Shirl, if you were here, you’d totally laugh at me again.”
He’d mess up his hair and whisper, “You always said I sounded like an idiot trying to memorize lines..M
“But I really still want to act. I want to be in the show you liked. I want to play the character you would have loved.”
He’d lean back on the couch like we used to with his shoulder tilted, cat in his arms, and kitten at his feet.
Where I am now…”
I hope it’s like that, too–quiet, warm, and pain–free.}
All the love, hate, and grudges–they all pass, eventually.
But everyone knows.
In Grayden’s heart, there was always someone named Shirl.
And he would never forget.
Even if they held hands, they couldn’t grow old together.W
